"A View From a Broad"
as seen on
LiveBroward.com

(word count: 584)

Driving gets more bizarre every day.

First of all, it can be very traumatic being a woman alone in the car, driving on the treacherous South Florida highways, byways, streets, courts and boulevards. For instance, it seems whenever a fair lass is stopped at a red light, there's always some guy next to her trying to get her attention. Men will use any instance to hit on chicks. I guess if you're stopped - you're a captive audience and fair game for pouncing.

And it doesn't matter what the guy is driving or what he looks look like -he always thinks he has a shot. A guy could look like Quasimodo's older, uglier brother and he still thinks he's got game. "Yep - tonight I'm gonna shave the hump and leave the bell tower. I am a chick magnet now!

Meanwhile, women freak out if one hair is out of place. They could be drop-dead gorgeous and they're still worrying. "Omigod! What do I look like? Is that a zit? Quick - I need an extreme makeover!"

I actually once had a guy in a garbage truck try to pick me up while I was stopped at a light. Does it get any better than this? He was yelling some kind of unintelligible monologue at me, which ended by calling me "mommy". How alluring. Like I'm going to roll down my window and go, "Sayyyyy, is that your truck? And my, what a lovely odor. Is that Eau de Garbáge?"
It can never be a cute guy in a Jaguar waving bank statements at me, "Look - a balance!"

Then there are the people with the vans and SUVs that have the DVD monitors in the back, because God forbid, their ADD kids aren't entertained every single waking moment of their little lives. The rationale is that it keeps the kiddies from "acting up". Whatever happened to sitting in the car and looking out the window at your surroundings? When we were kiddies, you know what my brother and I had for entertainment if we acted up in the car? My father's arm swinging over the seat, while we did that Matrix, Keanu Reeves back bend trying to avoid a hit. 'Here it comes again - duck!" And the famous war cry of the driving dad. "Don't make me come back there!" Which in itself would have been much more entertaining than any movie, to actually see my father drive the car and be in the back seat at the same time.

And if you think you're going to run a red light these days, think again. Now there are cameras in the traffic lights that will take a picture of your license plate as you sail through. This happened to a friend of mine. He received a letter in the mail with picture of his license plate and a fine. So being a wise guy, he sent back a picture of money. They sent back a picture of handcuffs. He paid.

Then there's the blue tooth user, who admittedly is practicing safer driving than the motorist with the actual cell phone growing out of their head and driving with one hand and/or their knees. Albeit, if you're on the opposite side of that driver and don't actually see the device in their ear, they look like an escaped mental patient having a meaningful conversation with themselves.

God forbid we all had to do the most mundane thing ever - just watch the road.

And that's the view from this broad.

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